New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
