I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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