I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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