Those balls look pretty dangerous.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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