My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
