Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
