I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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