i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
