If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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