dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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