why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
