hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
