party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
