problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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