We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
