if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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