she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I looked at my own cervix.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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