sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
