We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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