Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
