Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
