My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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