i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
