Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
