just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
