i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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