Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my shit smells like andre
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
