i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
