I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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