"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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