The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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