bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
