omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
