saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
