Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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