cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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