I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
