google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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