you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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