Im at strip club and am horny
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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