cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Come see our sink grown plant.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
