I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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