I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
