Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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