You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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