It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
