You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
