Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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