I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
All I want is dick and wine.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
