I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
