He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
