We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
