I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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