I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
