guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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