so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
